Just thoughts!!

 I was reading a play recently, and it mentioned a soothsayer. I realized how often I’ve come across a similar plot — in almost all of them, someone is warned about an event that will change the course of their life, usually involving misfortune or death. And almost always, the character tries to prevent it. But in doing so, they end up triggering a chain of events that leads directly to the very thing they were trying to avoid — a kind of paradox. It’s fascinating how just knowing something can change everything. If the character hadn’t tried to interfere or take control, there might have been no revenge, no pain — maybe not even the downfall they were warned about. In the same way, we often try to control everything in our lives: our work, our relationships, our future. We forget that sometimes, by doing so, we’re playing into a story that was never ours to begin with. We step into roles, onto paths laid out by others — and in doing so, we set off events we can’t undo. Sometimes,...

A couple of years ago, I shared one of the most unexpectedly beautiful evenings of my life with someone special. We’d seen each other around before familiar faces in familiar spaces  but we hadn’t truly spoken until that day. Something just clicked when we finally did. She smiled and said, “Would you like to meet outside practice sometime?” I hesitated for a moment more out of surprise than doubt but something in her eyes made me say yes. That evening, I already had somewhere to be, but I figured it would be quick  maybe an hour at most. We met up, and she suggested, “Let’s walk along the beach.” We slipped past the thick trees that separated the world we knew from the shoreline, and just like that, everything changed. The beach was nearly empty, quiet except for the sound of the waves washing over the sand. We walked, side by side, no destination, just conversation. Time moved differently there  I didn’t notice it passing. I remember her looking out at the sunset, comple...

  What  kind of madness is this? The logic escapes me completely. The more I try to make sense of it, the more lost I become — like sinking into quicksand. The harder I try to understand, the deeper I’m pulled into something bottomless and unreachable. How can you look at me the way you do, speak to me the way you do, act around me the way you do… and still say there’s nothing there? Why even bother then? If there’s truly nothing, then please — don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me. Don’t come near me. I get it now. The message is loud and clear. Just because you’re drawn to chaos,  because complication thrills you and makes you feel alive, doesn’t mean you have the right to drag others into your web for your own amusement. Some of us already have enough chaos in our lives. We’re not searching for a puzzle, or a game. There’s no tug-of-war here. It’s either yes, or no. And if it’s yes…  then let it be joy, not confusion. Let it be clarity, not cruelty. Because I’m done ...

I feel sorry for you not because of the pain and suffering you're going through, the stress, or the negative emotions overwhelming you.  I’m truly sorry because you never had a chance. You never got to see or experience a healthy relationship. You never had the opportunity to feel genuine happiness. No one ever told you it was a choice. No one ever showed you that you can get attention through positive emotions and how much of an impact that can have on your life. Unfortunately, the only thing you were taught was how to use negative emotions to gain attention. You’ve been so deeply driven toward the wrong path , toward a messed-up ideology where sadness is seen as a prerequisite for happiness. You've only ever seen people mistreat themselves, without any self-respect. And now, it has confused you. That’s why, when someone is kind to you, it’s hard for you to understand or accept it. You panic. You resist it. Let me help you.  If someone offers you their respect, just accept it...

  There he was waiting for her, at the airport,with his bag on his shoulder, in a leather jacket, jeans and boots. He took his phone out messaged her, ‘Just landed, waiting outside the airport’ He looked around just to see if she was around, in the arrival bay. He didn’t see her. He kept on checking his phone, no replies to the text. He decided to call her, it rang and rang and rang! No response, But he was still happy because they were supposed to meet, a long awaited meet, after month of planning. He decided to go to the coffee shop, and wait for her  ‘Maybe she is stuck in traffic’ He went up to the counter, ordered a black coffee, Sat there, Waiting for her. It was an hour, and she didn’t respond. No calls or texts. A seed of doubt filled his heart, Still he held his head up high. As the wait started making him anxious, He just asked himself, ‘WHY?’ He took his bag and walked out of the airport.

  Here I am ,   Sitting in the train, infront of all the strangers, Each one different than another, But they are here, and not you! I know more about them, then I do about you. You aren’t on my mind, I am not thinking of you. I haven’t thought about you for days . Since we last spoke , I deserve that respect,  But here I am missing something I never had, never experienced. I don’t want you, don’t text me, Don’t tell me you miss my words for you, The poems I wrote when we were alone, The music I composed when you would stall, The feelings I expressed when we fell, I don’t want any of it back, I like the high of missing, Missing something I never had. Don’t you dare, come infront of me,  I am not hurting, I am not waiting, you will be kicked out, You are already out , The 3 strikes are you, But I like the high of missing, Missing something I never had. -AXM