Just thoughts!!

Someday , somewhere I feel, I will understand “ why ? ” .    Why all this happens    / is done / will be done .    The process of how much ? . The debt to be paid or the luxuries to be lived . It’s all a mystery. It does make one wonder .  It goes on and on , for reasons unknown . Maybe someday I will be answered . The first answer  I would seek is how long does it last ? Then why it lasted that long ?    Only then I guess I would be answered/ understand the process of who chooses who? The men chooses sins or the sins chooses its men .

When you look back in time , all the sad times you’ve lived in denial and depression in an continuum . Realising a big chunk of your existence ripped away only when you reach on the other side . The bumpy rides doesn’t matter anymore . Things don’t effect you , reality connects you , conversations brighten you , with a single fit the puzzle completes itself and you just need to sit and let it happen , only on the other side . Just need to gather the patience to go through .

There are things which can’t be explained . But they exist . Not a myth or a unproven fact . It’s just there , we live it everyday , we try to tell everyone, show everyone , pretend . We all live a lie . The words we hear doesn’t mean why they are said , but they mean what we want to hear . Yes , that’s right , that’s how you judge me . Not the person I am but the person you think I am . Not just me , you did it to everyone . Stop living a lie my friend , it’s not your call to know me on your rules . 

Times like these.....   Make you wish for things , they try to pull you down , wound you , scar you for life . It’s useless you feel , all the designs you were proud and guilty of making. The memories that haunt you , the one step if you had to take in the right direction , that one thing you could never have , that person you could not be with , all those times you thought were your last moment . Wonder if only people truly knew you , when there nothing left , but a single thing which drives you to move on ,    like hanging of a cliff holding on to a thin thread , you never know when you might fall off .  Times like these make you wonder.........

It’s not easy , the feeling of not feeling anything . Hours , days , months then years . You wait , silently and patiently . You see Everything and everyone around you go by in a time lapse state . You wait , to see every second closing on you , feel the walls collapsing on you . The fear of going over the edge haunts on the back of your neck everyday . Faith gives up , then patience , hope and then will . But life goes on and on and on . At a certain point of time envy shows it symptoms , but thats the clue of feeling abandoned you soon . The constant state of being empty is interesting at times .  If you don’t know, imagine the following -  Not in a state of depression or happiness ,  No heartbreak  No emotional pain No feelings for someone No envy  Boredom or entertained Just like a bottle that doesn’t contain anything inside.  If you feel something, good or bad its ok and good in a way that you feel something !! Be happy about that Living in a constant ...

  These memories from one’s past , become their guides in the future. The lessons learned , are references to be considered but when you try and let the references overpower your present into their slave it becomes an issue and cloud one’s judgment. Being cautious and being scared of an outcome entirely without even trying it or just assuming it because it happened once are two different things. One would live their entire life in an panic state if not made a sensible choice.