Just thoughts!!

There was a time, I cannot talk about . Seeking the light a way to redeem my doings. Silent and shaken, confined within ones own soul , delusional without limitations , distorted on creating , questioning the reality, disorienting the truth . Suffocating the mind felt like , facing a scary side , impatient throughout , sitting alone staring into the dark .    The way existed and site was clear , all that barricaded me was fear . The state of mind just makes the void deeper , reflecting on relationships , makes life loner and loner . The uncomfortable feeling of an itch you can never scratch, desperate for a healer . The issue was the symptoms could not be explained like a word stealer 

I don’t talk to you , that doesn’t tell you what I think. I don’t look at you , that doesn’t explain my grin . I am rude , I am mean, still I am a human being. The tensions are meant to exist in between . Yes I do think about the universe intervene , yes , I want to look , I wish to speak. The reasons are bigger then the answers you seek , it’s stupid and idiotic like some piece of sh*t , a genuine moral makes things difficult to coexist.

Beautiful need not be she ,  Her heart , not as pure as it can be , Fool is she , infront of me , Beautiful need not be she . Being smart , is not a trait she posses , All the time she can be depressed, Jealous she can be of everybody, Beautiful need not be she. Her love , need not be heavy for me, Her truth might make sense flee , Her behaviour as bad as it can be, Beautiful need not be she . Never her eyes glittered , Never will they , Nor was she fair , Or the silky hair . Beautiful need not be she , I don’t want her to be , All the flaws of the universe, Jam packed in a human being, Not one talent , not a ability attractive After all those negativities The feelings are true  Without any impurities  Will never forget her  Even though all my life  I never will see thee (24th June 2018)

We all are just these pawns in the biggest chess piece, there are no king , Queen , bhishop , rook , knight , there are just pawns . The things you say , decide , see ,behave etc is not you but the player who plays it . Your mistakes are not yours , your achievements are not yours! The universe is playing you ! It’s games , it’s rules. Not everything means something, sometimes your the pawn sacrificed for the other pawns . It does mean the end , and you can’t do anything about it 

I don’t understand, Why can’t I write about you ?  Is it because the memories are faint? Or it’s just because it was a phase? The intentions were unclear? It was something else? I can’t even talk about you? Is it because I don’t miss you? Because I didn’t discriminate? I don’t know what is your fate ! My sentence are blurred , maybe because of the unspoken words we meant , just maybe If I could, just once, try and understand...... 

Yes ! These are just words in my head. They don’t make sense , they don’t have reason , they don’t have meaning , they don’t have anything . Just bunch of words jumbled up , unsaid and sometimes unread . Useless and stagnant . Until someone relates and perceive logic in them , these are just words you read , it’s your mind which finds positivity in it , sense in it . No matter how dark things are in your head , it’s your perception that’s making it positive, it’s not someone else , your helping yourself.  Now tell me how funny is that!?