Old friend.

 The other day we were talking about a few past experiences. A friend and I, spoke about a lot of things and I kind of remembered another friend from my past who I don’t speak to anymore, we fell out over the years.

 

This goes back to maybe a decade or less, when I was Introduced to this person. A friend of a friend and  just start talking, a very nice person. We exchanged information kinda grew close. Started talking almost everyday after-hours texting each other all day long and crossed paths every other day.

 

A few days in I could notice she would be jealous of my other friends if I had to tell her about my day or just mention I hung out with them. It was normal because I have had such experiences in the past with a few others and it is human behaviour to an extend. In spite of being close, I would not have categorised her as 'best friend' because we never crossed that fence.

 

Then you might ask why I mentioned/ Remembered her?

 

Even though we were not close she left an impression on me that I can never forget.

 

Over couple of months I could see our relationship kinda evolved. She would be around me more than I realised, have her arm around mine, had her head on my shoulder almost every time we were together.

 

 She would care about me a lot. Ask me about how I was doing, had lunch, things happening with me. I would still say we were close friends.

 

But somewhere along the line I started getting busy with other things, which I guess I was always involved in, and started pulling away, she made it an point, to stay in contact no matter what, she was not ready to give up she would Constantly keep in touch text and call every other minute, She was very determined to keep me in her life.

 

Occasionally her other friends would confront me, they would ask me, why would I cause her pain and distress by doing so much damage, to her mental health. She would confide in them, when I would not text her back within 2 minutes of her texting me 24 times, Saying he Ignores me like this every time I text him' and would call couple of more times after  that.

 

That is when I realised it is time for my friend I to put some distance, and I was not received well.

I had to let go of this great friend for the sake of her own good, which I still cant decide, it was for better or for worse.

 

But I can tell you this. What came after that made me a wise man. Those two years of close contacts and the distant Contact over the years, till date (more like one sided) haunts my memories. It has helped me to understand human behaviour better.

 

 Every time I talk to Someone, old or new, I look at them differently.

 

I look at those signs from my close friend-just waiting for the bells to go off.

 

This experience is something you can never unlearn. The last words she ever said to me in person, after which we never spoke or even looked at each other were,

 

‘I don’t know what takes over me when it comes to you'.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mad-less

  What  kind of madness is this? The logic escapes me completely. The more I try to make sense of it, the more lost I become — like sinking into quicksand. The harder I try to understand, the deeper I’m pulled into something bottomless and unreachable. How can you look at me the way you do, speak to me the way you do, act around me the way you do… and still say there’s nothing there? Why even bother then? If there’s truly nothing, then please — don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me. Don’t come near me. I get it now. The message is loud and clear. Just because you’re drawn to chaos,  because complication thrills you and makes you feel alive, doesn’t mean you have the right to drag others into your web for your own amusement. Some of us already have enough chaos in our lives. We’re not searching for a puzzle, or a game. There’s no tug-of-war here. It’s either yes, or no. And if it’s yes…  then let it be joy, not confusion. Let it be clarity, not cruelty. Because I’m done ...
Read more

How lovely it would have been.

  I was walking today, a cold winter night, very foggy, by myself. I was walking, have and a thought popped in my head,  'How lovely it would have been!?’   How lovely it would have been,  If you were here with me,  How lovely it would have been,  If you were the source of my warmth,  How lovely it would have been,  If you were by my side hand in hand,  trying to explore eternity.  How lovely it would have been,  when your hand are cold, I would have love to warm them for you by holding them tight. How lovely it would have been,  just walking by your side,  listening to your silly laugh after every sentence. How lovely it would have been,  looking up at the sky, knowing you are there with me,  How lovely it would have been,  going into a random cafe,  enjoying the night talking, stress free,  without any worries, How lovely it would have been,  when I try and flirt you look away, Shy, changing...
Read more

The high of missing.

  Here I am ,   Sitting in the train, infront of all the strangers, Each one different than another, But they are here, and not you! I know more about them, then I do about you. You aren’t on my mind, I am not thinking of you. I haven’t thought about you for days . Since we last spoke , I deserve that respect,  But here I am missing something I never had, never experienced. I don’t want you, don’t text me, Don’t tell me you miss my words for you, The poems I wrote when we were alone, The music I composed when you would stall, The feelings I expressed when we fell, I don’t want any of it back, I like the high of missing, Missing something I never had. Don’t you dare, come infront of me,  I am not hurting, I am not waiting, you will be kicked out, You are already out , The 3 strikes are you, But I like the high of missing, Missing something I never had. -AXM
Read more